Subject: Letters to the Editor: Discovering Love, as Death Nears Date: Published: 4/27/92 (212 lines) Source: Wall Street Journal. Copyright Dow Jones & Co. Inc. Letters to the Editor: Discovering Love, as Death Nears As a longtime subscriber, I do not expect to pick up your paper and find myself moved to tears. And as a mother who lost a son to AIDS a year ago and who has another son with HIV, I would never have thought to look in the Journal for a powerful, moving article about the love that AIDS has helped bring into people's lives. Judith Valente's March 16 page-one article, "Love Story: How a Father and Son Discovered Each Other in the Shadow of AIDS," was a meaningful account of the contrasting agony and healing that AIDS can impose. During the five years our family has dealt with this disease, we have experienced in our sons a strength, courage and dignity that have enabled us to confront our situation directly. We've been blessed with loving family and friends who have responded by standing beside us. And each of us -- my husband, our daughter and I -- has received support and compassion in our workplaces. Each of us hopes that through our ordeal we will be able to help other families come together and walk through their fear and grief together. I often think how tragic it is for those parents who deny and reject their children with AIDS. The loss they experience must be unimaginable. Thank you for your humanity and courage in pointing out that AIDS can bring limitless love to the lives of those affected. Brenda R. Freiberg Los Angeles --- What a wonderful man Duncan Henderson is. He exhibited traits so lacking in today's society: sense of family, courage, compassion, inner strength and unequivocal love for an only child who gave both joy and sorrow. In an era bereft of heroes, it is inspirational to read of Mr. Henderson -- a true husband, father, man. Leo De Natale Waltham, Mass. --- My tears were tears not only of grief and sadness, but also of hope, love and grace. When one discards all the rhetoric of both the radical homosexual left (e.g. Act-Up and Queer Nation) and the radical elements of the fundamentalist right (e.g the American Family Association and the Moral Majority) one can see clearer that the politics of AIDS is blinding most of us to the real tragedy -- the untimely loss of many talented and benevolent humans such as Paul Henderson. My hope is that articles like Ms. Valente's will give the aforementioned groups cause to re-evaluate their tactics of hate, and to foster some of the same inherent goodness that constitutes the whole essence of Duncan and Virginia Henderson's response to a human in need. With all due respect to the members of Act-Up and Queer Nation, while I understand their frustration at public apathy over AIDS, their anti-social behavior has alienated many people like me who really do want to find a solution to this tragedy. Conversely, the religious fundamentalists do nothing but bastardize the "true" teachings of Jesus Christ, by espousing the rhetoric of hate and moral superiority, which, according to my Bible anyway, was not what Christ taught his followers. Timothy D. Kindy Dallas --- I cried when Duncan Henderson and his wife, having sold their home and moved in with their son, Paul, declared their rationale to be: "I just thought that's what parents do." Their loving innocence is an ironic indictment of so many parents of children with AIDS. No, it is not what most parents do. For a father to be so supportive of and reconciled with his son is a greater miracle that most people will ever know. I have witnessed the burial of too many friends who were estranged from their families, and know the sad truth of parents who wash their hands of such embarrassment to their lives. Jim McDermott Oakland, Calif. --- Paul Henderson and I were fellow seminarians in 1973 and 1974. Despite his progression into AIDS, Paul still kept his sense of humor, remaining as active as possible, and even accepted the seminary's invitation to come down and speak. While some theology students follow the expected career path, others find themselves for many reasons taking unexpected turns. It's a credit to Paul that he chose not to dwell on others' cynicism but to continue in his vision of a ministry. Very few people are willing to take on "trash ministries" where the pay is low, the odds of fame (or even simple thanks) are slim, and "burnout" lurks. But there is where the deepest need lies: The people Paul tried to help could hardly endow a wing, but he persevered in his calling and helped many of them. For me and many others who knew him, your article is a pleasant surprise. For the church that threw him out, I wonder. James H. Tolson Skokie, Ill. --- I, too, recently lost a young son, Steven, age 27, to this dreaded disease AIDS. Steven, like Paul Henderson, devoted much of his young life to helping others through volunteer efforts. Our family was inundated with cards on which messages of tribute were written. We were astonished at how many people wrote that their lives were "touched so meaningfully" by my son. I knew he was a special person, but, then, I am his mom. We are in an election year. Not one candidate has even mentioned this epidemic. Are they blind? Can they not hear? Do they care? Nannette Fay Natick, Mass. --- Why don't you run "love stories" about the innocent young people and children who are losing their lives because homosexuals have contaminated the blood supply? What about the innocents' fathers and mothers? Or aren't these innocent victims of a disgusting life style worth page-one headlines? name. Jane Ingraham Vero Beach, Fla. --- As an HIV-infected gay man I commend you on your ability to tell a story that very much needed telling. I have been living with vibrant health despite my status for more than five years, and the article enabled me to rethink some ideas I have about my relationship with my parents. I have been a subscriber for nearly 10 years, since I graduated from college; you have continued to cover the AIDS issue eloquently and without hysterics. My wish is that other media would wake up and follow your intelligent lead. Patrick V. Brown Pacific Grove, Calif. --- Your detailed story of the father's love and care for his AIDS-stricken son was a moving tale of paternal devotion, sensitively handled. In the interest of providing at least equal attention and space to the sufferings of a doomed heterosexual, would you consider researching and writing a report about, say, a young non-promiscuous married woman, randomly assaulted by an incurable cancer, who is tended through her last agonies by a mother who is as equally devoted a parent as Duncan Henderson? David P. Ferriss Cincinnati --- I've heard enough from the media. Now it's my turn to speak out. There are many of us who, though extremely sorry that people are dying of AIDS, have trouble with the disease for several reasons. First, because we aren't sure why AIDS victims should be considered martyrs anymore than any other terminally ill person. Second, because we are uncomfortable with the fact that most people catch it sexually or through IV-drug use and therefore might have been spared had they lived more conservatively. And third, because although the medical community assures us we can't catch it casually, they've been wrong before: 12 years ago we were told that only a small percentage of the people exposed to the disease would catch it. Then we were told that most of the people testing positive wouldn't develop full-blown AIDS and die. Then we were told that if the disease didn't show up within one to two years after exposure, a person was safe. Then we were told that no health worker had ever caught the disease from a patient. Then we were told that no health worker had ever given it to a patient. Forgive us if now we are at least somewhat skeptical when we are told that athletes can't pass it to each other in competition. As average citizens we are concerned about AIDS and want to see it eradicated as soon as possible, but we are tired of seeing the disease being held up to us as a litmus test to measure our ability to feel compassion. Suzanne Lainson Boulder, Colo. --- Anyone who has ever been confronted with a loved one with this disease has been challenged well beyond the limits of normal daily existence. Yet AIDS has continually called forth from very ordinary, everyday people the very finest the human spirit is capable of giving. Mr. Henderson's experience in particular is a parable for us all about what it means to be human. Articles such as this do much to combat the stereotypes, prejudice and fear that exist in our society to make coping with this devastating illness so difficult for patients and families alike. We commend you for your sensitivity and compassion. Jerrold Fuller Nancy Shemick Oakland, Calif. --- I want you to know how moved I was. I am a 68-year-old gay male, and have had seven of my closest friends die of AIDS. Your story touched my heart; I must admit I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Dubose McLane State College, Pa. --- Duncan Henderson's poignant odyssey with his son, Paul, expands the meaning and magnitude of the parable of the Prodigal Son, Luke 15:11-32, in our time. May we learn compassion and love from the experiences of the Henderson family. Stephen F. Harantha Toledo, Ohio [This article is made available here by Dow Jones Co. for the personal and non-commercial use of callers to this bbs, in the hope that it will be of some help to those who are suffering from the disease and others who are seeking to help them.]